Courage for the unknown: your path to change
A transformation is intense, uncertain and requires courage.
How can you embrace the transition and discover its potential.
My personal experience:
Between uncertainty and growth
In my personal life I’ve been constantly initiating change. There is this desire of getting out of my comfort zone, of learning, being curious and inspired by something new, or of widening my horizon – accompanied by a deep wish for personal growth.
One of the most challenging transformations was initiated by the diagnosis of breast cancer at the age of 33. A journey into the unknown accompanied by intense existential feelings of fear, pain, grief, uncertainty and powerlessness. It was psychologically and physically challenging, and a constant letting go of the old life and how things were before. Yet, at the same time it was an initiation and awakening to the precious gift of life. To more presence, to connection, to choice, to freedom and to personal growth. I will share more of this later.
The natural cycles of life: Death, birth, rebirth
Small transformations happen regularly in our day-to-day life. We don’t really pay attention or feel affected, they just happen. And, there are the big changes - a separation, a change in career, a crisis, an illness, the loss of a beloved person or a birth of a human being. Such changes aren’t isolated events, they are embedded in the big cycles of nature and life – birth, death, rebirth.
These changes are normally initiated by an ending, a loss or “leave-taking” of something that has gone. In this, we experience feelings of grief, pain, anger or a lack of power. Nothing will be the same anymore. But what comes next…? Where is life taking me…?
What follows is a stage of transition that is intense foremost because life has a tendency to be uncertain and messy. You are leaving familiar terrain behind and are entering into the unknown. It is normal to fear the unknown, and not knowing which direction life might take is just terrifying. In this, difficult feelings of uncertainty, instability, fear or frustration are normal. Yet, the following stage is an opportunity to pause – to open up, to build confidence and put one foot after the other – rebirth or the stage of beginning anew.
The present moment is made of the past and creating the future. The secret of transformation is in the way you handle this very moment.
Thich Nhat Hanh
Transitions can't be bypassed but they can be embraced
Just to be honest, the stage of transition which foregoes a transformation, takes it own pace. It can’t be bypassed or speeded up – it just takes as long as it needs.
Working with clients shows that the stage of ending and the journey through the unknown is the most challenging part from a psychological point of view. Why? Because we long for orientation and structure which in such circumstances are just absent or not given to the degree we are used to. As we plan and organize every step in our life, we struggle with not-knowing-where to go, not-having-a-plan or a solution at hand. We are overwhelmed with what is happening. Our mind is absorbed and our thoughts get stuck by clinging to the past or planning and fearing the future. Overwhelming feelings of fear and uncertainty make this unique journey even more challenging. Our view gets blurred on what is in the here and now – the beauty, the potential and the opportunities of such a change.
In this blogpost I’m writing about transformation and its challenging phases. Transitions are passages into a new chapter of one’s life. They don’t happen in isolation from the big cycles of life – instead, they are embedded and interwoven with the natural stages of life and the universe. I’m also sharing my personal experience with transitions and I’ll outline the different stages of change with its challenges. Transitions are intense. However, if you are ready to let yourself experience and embrace the transition, you will discover its precious and powerful potential.
Transformations are challenging because you are transitioning into something new – something unknown, which brings an immense change to your life. Such change can be initiated externally or by yourself. Very often they are accompanied by strong emotions like uncertainty, fear, powerlessness, sadness or pain. Or, in this you might also experience emotions that are lighter such as joy, gratefulness, relief or a strong drive.
Even though each transformation is unique, we can see certain universal patterns. I’ve not only experienced these patterns through my own transformational journey but can observe them in the process of my clients too. The most intense stage reminds me of being a cocoon. It is a stage where you might feel totally thrown back at yourself with the wish to just withdraw from this world. An urge to turn your view inwardly, to be with what’s just there, with what is happening to you in the present moment.